hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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