Hey man sorry I got all grabby
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
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Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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