I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I lost the right to judge tonight
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
