I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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