the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
