if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
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i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
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Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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