Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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