Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
