I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
