Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
