I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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