I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
