i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
