Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
