According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
