So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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