why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
