I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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