my sisters under your porch take her home
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
