She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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