my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
