Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can't turn off my feet"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
