I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
