feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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