Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
