i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
