Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You're like the curious george of whores
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
