I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Vodka?
Forever.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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