i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
