every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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