Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
