Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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