dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
