Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
