My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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