My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
