fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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