respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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