You're a womanizer and a bitch.
youre lurking in front of me
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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