if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
