i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
