There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
