I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
