oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
