i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
