if you like me you must not know who I am
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
