i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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