Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
