My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
