My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize