the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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