Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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