If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
