Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
