I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
