he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
