We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
