I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
