My friends, they love my intelligence
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
