Texts From Last Night

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  (706): View more from Georgia

  i would punch a child for taco bell

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  (706): i would punch a child for taco bell http://tfl.nu/lkky
  Replies (41) Good night (5487) Bad night (933)
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  (650): View more from California

  I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it

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  (650): I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it http://tfl.nu/nnzm
  Replies (15) Good night (1120) Bad night (3773)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.

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  (734): So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things. http://tfl.nu/gsnh
  Replies (10) Good night (3734) Bad night (1046)
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  (619): View more from California

  Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings

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  (619): Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings http://tfl.nu/z81c
  Replies (13) Good night (3691) Bad night (943)
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  (716): View more from New York

  The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.

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  (716): The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep. http://tfl.nu/clzh
  Replies (4) Good night (1022) Bad night (3198)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?

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  (609): why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs? http://tfl.nu/z5vs
  Replies (19) Good night (520) Bad night (1746)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?

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  (713): Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out? http://tfl.nu/0l6b
  Replies (7) Good night (1873) Bad night (563)
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  (310): View more from California

  He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.

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  (310): He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him. http://tfl.nu/0w0d
  Replies (12) Good night (1484) Bad night (525)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.

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  (337): By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day. http://tfl.nu/1a9r
  Replies (7) Good night (932) Bad night (790)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.

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  (304): I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable. http://tfl.nu/maf5
  Replies (22) Good night (4323) Bad night (502)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.

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  (207): Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills. http://tfl.nu/z8zj
  Replies (6) Good night (819) Bad night (677)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?

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  (604): If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair? http://tfl.nu/cjor
  Replies (7) Good night (534) Bad night (730)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse

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  (970): I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse http://tfl.nu/7hjz
  Replies (7) Good night (472) Bad night (444)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.

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  (203): Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic. http://tfl.nu/bb52
  Replies (2) Good night (154) Bad night (383)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"

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  (334): Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning" http://tfl.nu/rbo4
  Replies (1) Good night (286) Bad night (173)

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