you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now