in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?