Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath