After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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