Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.

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  (619): Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it. http://tfl.nu/cnbd
  Replies (31) Good night (942) Bad night (7589)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is

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  (503): I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is http://tfl.nu/t4n0
  Replies (26) Good night (1027) Bad night (4141)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.

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  (301): the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements. http://tfl.nu/23am
  Replies (39) Good night (8420) Bad night (1014)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I love watching others lives come down to our level.

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  (952): I love watching others lives come down to our level. http://tfl.nu/pfmq
  Replies (5) Good night (4074) Bad night (757)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw

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  (614): There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw http://tfl.nu/mvua
  Replies (45) Good night (7451) Bad night (763)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his

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  (251): Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his http://tfl.nu/lwp2
  Replies (26) Good night (1246) Bad night (6811)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal

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  (215): he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal http://tfl.nu/oaxp
  Replies (35) Good night (1723) Bad night (4107)
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  (518): View more from New York

  You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops

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  (518): You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops http://tfl.nu/ldeo
  Replies (19) Good night (12842) Bad night (1024)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  RIP Mr Bojangles.

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  (910): In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic. (919): RIP Mr Bojangles. http://tfl.nu/00j7
  Replies (13) Good night (1166) Bad night (2126)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.

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  (865): He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends. http://tfl.nu/ncfq
  Replies (7) Good night (2705) Bad night (821)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?

  (1-701): View more from North Dakota

  No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"

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  (701): Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..? (1-701): No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup" http://tfl.nu/9q23
  Replies (1) Good night (1690) Bad night (852)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.

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  (325): I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible. http://tfl.nu/vgf8
  Replies (2) Good night (579) Bad night (1171)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.

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  (713): I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it. http://tfl.nu/p4p1
  Replies (9) Good night (1425) Bad night (464)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.

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  (734): You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts. http://tfl.nu/l485
  Replies (1) Good night (767) Bad night (234)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse

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  (773): It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse http://tfl.nu/hj9m
  Replies (3) Good night (491) Bad night (326)

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