So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
