Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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