you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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