Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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