His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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