my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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