you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
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Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
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He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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