You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
