I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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